I miss ballet desperately.
Ballet and I are exactly like the ‘Love, Rosie’ film except we don’t get the happy ending. We’re perfect for each other, when I dance everything just suddenly fits but somehow we don’t work. My world ends up revolving around it until I forget what life I need to be living. I remember that because of ballet, I let everything go including school work and there was something else I wanted to do: basketball. So I let ballet ago. I kissed my pointe shoes and tucked them away safely in my drawer. My leotard still smells like the studio and I still have piles and piles of pink ballet tights spilling out of my wardrobe (the last level).
When I hear music (classical or not), I still automatically dance. I remember my turnout, my pirouettes and to keep my hips square when I developee. And I will keep going till I remember that I don’t do it anymore.
I miss it so much.
I still love basketball. I love that feeling that I can channel all my frustration into making sure that ball gets into that hoop. But there’s just something about me and ballet that just fits. Something about the expression of emotions in the graceful, fluid yet disciplined movements of ballet. People say I move like ballet-dancer, even play basketball like one. And I still go through all these dancer problems mention in this buzzfeed post. I choreograph ballet in my head when I hear a song andI still unconsciously do ankle stretches when I zone out.
The problem is, at the age of 15, its considered too late to enter or re-enter the ballet world. I don’t know if my ankles and muscles still have some of that strength that I used to have. My flexibility I know has mostly gone.
Re-entering that competitive world would meean giving up ALL my afternoons and I mean ALL of them, including the whole weekend for practice. When I used to do it, I remember spending Tuesday afternoons and evenings from 4.30pm (straight from school) – 9pm for Open Classical, Stretching, Pointe and my ACTUAL class. Then I would do all weekend. Saturday: 11.30am – 3pm for Stretching, Pointe, the class for the grade above me, my ACTUAL class and Performance class. Then I would sometimes do a couple of hours on a Sunday for extra classes for performances and pointe. That was only when I was 12. Imagine the classes I would have to take now.
I took ballet seriously and even if I started it up again, now it would still be in my veins to take it seriously once again. It was once my dream to become a prestigious ballerina. Now, even if I would love it, it isn’t practical anymore.
There you go.
The love story of Ballet and I.
I had to tell somebody…..